Day O

Oh I'm such a bad girl.

I know, and in the moment, you can call me whatever you want. The beating of my heart, the throbbing of my pussy, the sounds of my satisfaction will drown out any nay sayer. I lay in contentment on a bed of sin.

It happened in the shower. Hot rivers of desire down my back, over the swell of my ass, down to my toes clenching on the porcelain. A shower spray right where I wanted it most. Pulsing with desire, trembling with need, I let my mind search for memories to provide the sensations the rest of body craved.

I thought of the people in my life that refused to leave me. The first woman I kissed licking me out in a sex swing, the first woman I was ever intimate with. Her blonde hair and wild eyes stay with me. A man promising to be my dirty little secret if I just said the words. His eagerness still makes me feel powerful. A slave letting me use his back as a table. His happiness was contagious. A puppy thumping his leg on the couch as he got head scratches. He was the love of my life.

The thoughts got hotter. An endless parade of ex-lovers took their turn trying to be the thought that pushed me over the edge.

But it wasn't enough.

My orgasms are harder and harder to chase at times, and today was no different.

I needed a theme for today. The sex roulette stopped at men on their knees and images exploded behind my head the way my orgasm soon would. A kitten wanting pets, a slave wanting attention. Then you, it’s always you, popped unwelcome into my mind. On your knees, a devilish smirk, a delicious smolder. No, I suppose, you’re never unwelcome.

Are you ready? you’d asked, many years ago, so many years ago I am constantly surprised that I can remember it. Do you think you can handle me? You’d smirked in a way I only saw in the bedroom. I whimpered then, I whimpered again today. Could you ever know the depths of the way that you claimed me all those years ago? I ripped my thoughts away, desperate and wanting.

A man on his knees. Will you marry me? I said yes.

I thought of my fiancé next, gentle love and rough sex and all the thing I want forever. He doesn’t compare. He can’t. Your love was a different language. An all-consuming fire that burned me to ashes – the warmest I’d ever felt.

I will ruin you for other men, you promised, cocky in the way of a first lover. You were right of course. You ruined me for even myself. That’s why, even here, in the shower ten years later, this slut imagines your voice so that she can cum.

The shame washed over me with the orgasm, making it all the sweeter.

In my bed of shame, I can’t help but wonder if I ruined you too. Do you think of me when you jerk your cock in the shower? Do you have a parade of lovers to entertain you too? I wonder what would happen if you saw me again. Would you hate me? Would you kneel to me? Would you fuck me in the way my body hasn’t been able to forget since the last time we fucked? My pussy throbs again at the thought of you, and I pull up my phone. I still know your number by heart.

Would you pick up if I called?