Let me be brave

Let me be brave.

I pray.

Is it brave to tremble, and be out of breath? Is it brave to be afraid? No, it can’t be. Will you answer a prayer from a coward?

My blood rushes through my ears in a futile race. Doesn’t it know that there is no escape? My heart pounds a pointless rhythm. Doesn’t it know adrenaline won’t help? My lungs struggle to pull air. Maybe it’s better that way. I won’t have enough air to scream.

My whole body thrums with nervous energy.

I want to run away and hide. I don’t say it. Giving voice to my cowardice may give it power, and I can’t afford any more tests to my will.

My mind races with potential futures, each worse than the last.

Let me be brave. Let me hide my trembling hands behind my back. Let me silence my racing blood with powerful words. Force my lungs to pull air with the strength of my will. I will not run. I will not hide. I will stride forward to meet destiny with both eyes open.

If I am to die, let my last moments have meaning. Let my last thought be of courage. Let my steps be sure. Let my voice not waver.

Let me be brave.